Mock Tudor

Once upon a time there was a man called Robert Graves who wrote, among other things, I, Claudius and Claudius the God. One day a nice man from the BBC bought up the serialisation rights and 'lo and behold' a new genre of television was born. The historical adaptation combining literary flair and high class smut. It is, a difficult genre to manage. I, Claudius was a first rate historical novel and Jack Pullman's adaptation does justice to Graves' creation, neither following him slavishly nor departing so far from his version that it became unrecognisable. The Borgias, a flagrant attempt to do much the same, managed to provoke critical ignominy and a protest from the Holy See. My spell checker wants to change 'Borgias' to 'orgiastic' and I suspect that it was this aspect of Pope Alexander's career that the Holy Father would have preferred not to have been reproduced in sitting rooms the length and breadth of the country. The latest attempt is The Tudors, whose first episode aired on Friday. All the staples are there. Lots of bonking - check. Glossy costumes - check. Court intrigue (much cheaper than, say, warfare) - check. Historical figures that every forward schoolboy in England has heard of, thus flattering the viewer they are well informed - check.

Based on the first episode it seems safe to say that Pullman's crown is not in any real danger. When Claudius prophesied that "the man who dwells by the pool will open Graves" it was an entirely forgivable piece of self indulgence. This sort of crude signalling is par for the course in The Tudors, where Thomas Boleyn addresses his daughter as "Anne Boleyn" when we first meet her in case we miss the point, Wolsey and More babble on about "Pan-European Institutions" like they've twigged that the Reformation is going to hit and they are planning to find a berth as interns on Prospect and, in a blatant piece of homage to The Borgias, the French Cardinal reassures Wolsey of the French Cardinals votes as "Pope Alexander" lies dying (Alexander, aka Rodrigo Borgia died several years before Henry's accession. The French Cardinal should be referring to Julius II, Leo X or Adrian VI - probably Leo as there is a reference to a Dauphin which would presumably be Francis, son of Francis I born in 1518 and who died in 1536. This then has to be reconciled with Charles Brandon who by this point was Duke of Suffolk and married to Henry's sister, Mary being single and a commoner - oh what the heck.)

The Tudors have become rather too obvious as a source for historical drama. Henry was done recently by Ray Winstone, so the casting of Jonathan Rhys Meyers marks a transition between "Oi, Wolsey shaht it!" to "Top of the morning to ye, Wolsey".

Meanwhile, in other breaking news the new series of Robin Hood is up and running. Robin is less of a wimp than last time - he would kill the Sheriff were it not for the fact that Prince John has promised to raze Nottingham to the ground if he does so. As always invidious comparisons abound. Robin Hood immediately invites comparisons with Robin of Sherwood and suffice it to say the latter remains vastly superior. Nickolas Grace's Sheriff, whatever his other faults, would not have a) called a conspiracy to advance Prince John to the throne 'The Black Knights' and b) would not have told Robin all this as he dangled over a pit of snakes, with the intention of disposing of him later.

It's time to break away from these well trodden paths. How about an series on the 'Trial of the Templars' with Derek Jacobi as de Molay, Richard Armitage as Philip the Fair, Richard Allen as Guillame de Nogaret and Nickolas Grace as Clement VI?